Sarah Nunez-Lafontaine ’22
The cold weather is upon us and, as if on cue, sweaters are being pulled out from bottom drawers along with cute boots that will always be too warm for the southern California “winter.” Tinder bios are being refreshed with photos from Toga party, and all across the campuses, many fear the return of Cuffing Season, the season where many students may perhaps find themselves scrounging the 5C’s for a winter relationship. October is a spooky time, made even scarier as phones vibrate to messages like “We should talk” or “What if we dated?!? Haha, just kidding… unless…” It’s a natural process, where the animal inside all of us begins looking for something warm to hold on to during hibernation. So, here are some tips for all of us single ladies, who clearly have nothing better to do than think about finding a relationship.
- Get a hobby: To distract you from the constant fear of loneliness, get really into an activity. Like slacklining at Pitzer, or rolling around on those weird roller-skate things at Harvey Mudd. Other hobbies include: Binge drinking, crying in Honnold or yelling at happy couples at Bardot.
- Form an unhealthy relationship with a friend, leading to the inevitable questioning of said friendship, followed by a drunken make-out session/fight.
- Change up your look: I suggest never not wearing pajama pants. Real pants are for those of us who are still looking, so just accept being alone and throw on those flannel bottoms with a hole in the ass and a stain above the crotch.
- Contemplate freezing your eggs as you come to the realization that you may never find love in your twenties, and that each passing year means that your eggs are dying!!!!
- Spend all your money on $20 scented candles and self-help books; I recommend lemon-patchouli and The Power of Me.
- Consider adopting a cat, just to get ahead on the whole “crazy cat lady” experience.
- Facebook stalk a former middle-school crush, just to see if they are still a viable option.
- Blame everything wrong with your love life on astrology; “He’s a Sagittarius! That’s why he couldn’t commit.”
- Take a good, long look in the mirror and realize that you are destined to die alone.
- Accept the fact that this season is made-up, and just an excuse to shame women into thinking they need a relationship to define themselves. Cuffing Season is simply another way for society to tell us that being alone is unacceptable, and shaming us for not wanting a relationship. Whether you want a partner or not, it is nobody’s damn business. There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with being single.
Graphic by Emilie Hu