Carah Allen ’26
Webmaster
We’re one month into the semester, your roommate is going strong with her situationship from last semester, your friend is in a long-term long-distance relationship, and your favorite classmate is going on their third date with their boo who’s not their boo. Yet, you’re still single sitting in your room on a Friday night with a sandwich from Jay’s Place, background noise from a YouTube video, while you’re scrolling through Instagram stories wondering if you’ll ever find the one.
College is where you’re supposed to find the love of your life, your soulmate, the apple of your eye. Alas, you’re a junior, still single, have no people on your lineup, and you’re getting a bit restless. What if you’re doomed? What if you’ll never find love? What if you’ll be some washed-up, senile, cranky old person with no one by your side, no children, and no light in your eyes just because you couldn’t find your special person during your reign at the 5Cs?
While I want to tell you you’re being a bit dramatic, some parts are true – you won’t find your one at the 5Cs. Unlike what most people think, the 5Cs aren’t BYU: finding the one you’re going to marry within 4 years of college is very unlikely, and honestly, you’re settling if you think so.
But even if it’s highly unlikely you’ll find your “one,” two, three, maybe even your four, definitely not five, doubts about the sixth at the 5Cs, there is still hope you can find your seventh best shot at true love here! Your seven isn’t your one true love. They’re not going to be the one that meets the parents (unless you move scary fast), the one that you walk down the aisle with, or the one you have a cat named Matthias with. Your seven is the person you get to briefly enjoy your time with in undergrad as long as you possibly can until you realize that it’s just not going to work long-term!
However, I do have to warn that finding your seven here is as difficult as finding your one elsewhere. That one person in your physics class you denoted as your semester eye candy is actually a freak (derogatory). That one Motley barista you have a crush on has a long-term partner (is home-wrecking so bad if I’m just checking the sturdiness of the foundation?). All these tragic run-ins make you wonder, “damn, is there anyone available?”
It’s true – the dating pool at the 5Cs is small, and even with the small dating pool, boy it’s slim pickings over here. But lucky for you beautiful, lonely readers, through the course of my time at Scripps I’ve compiled a list of rules and items to keep in mind while on the prowl for your lucky seven!
That CMC man will NOT save you and you CANNOT fix him
A beautiful, gorgeous, and talented Scrippsie student dating a mid, kind of scary, CMC man is a tale as old as time (unfortunately). He’s dry, never texts you first, never compliments you, and makes a lot of questionable jokes, but yes, of course, he’s your soulmate and the one for you.
My beloved Scrippsies, never settle for any man, especially a CMC one. Of course, there could be good ones out there and I’m not trying to generalize, but I don’t think a man who would rather watch a sports game than be with his hot, gorgeous Scrippsie partner is ever the right person for you.
A super senior dating a sophomore is just as weird as a senior dating a freshman.
Respectfully, that’s a grown-ass person. You’re in different stages of life – you’re younger with much life to still live, and they were in Miss Ishtar’s irrigation class in Mesopotamia High with Mr. Flintstone as their lab partner. You’re not even in your upper division classes yet and they just aged out of their parents’ insurance policy. I can promise you they’re not your one, your seven, or even your eighty-six.
Homoerotic friendships WILL kill you.
Oh so you and your friend just casually cuddle, hold hands, and make out sometimes, but you’re just friends? My dear reader, I have two words for you: Stand up!
Homoerotic friendships are the canon event of the queer Scrippsie experience. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, trust me, it will happen soon. When the inevitable comes, don’t accept it!
When you and your friends are all queer, it’s easy to blur the lines between just friends and something more. However, in these situationships it’s important to set boundaries and discuss early on where things are headed.
That friend could very well be your seven, but you’ll never know if you don’t set the boundaries and communicate properly! Don’t let them touch all up on your leg in Seal Court while laughing at all your jokes and staring you deeply into your eyes without having some clarifying conversations.
Put the dating apps DOWN!
You downloaded Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble just because you were bored and it’s totally not serious, but the apps have been on your phone for 5 months now and you’re on your 3rd sneaky link of the semester. My good reader, it’s time we be honest with ourselves!
Unlike what they advertise, finding love on a dating app is difficult and borderline impossible, especially on these campuses. Most you’ll find are weirdly horny, sex-obsessed men (that are not good in bed may I add!) and flirtatious conversations with non-men that lead to nowhere.
Talk to people in your classes! Join clubs! Ask that cute person that you intermittently talk to for their number and then for a meal! The dating apps don’t do much for you, but remind you of all the hot people on campus that don’t want you.
Liking their Instagram story is NOT flirting.
I am guilty of doing this to campus crush #2 (yes, I have a list/ranking, don’t judge me!) just yesterday, but the fact that I am still single and I haven’t spoken a word to this girl in person since last fall semester, is proof that this technique doesn’t do much for you.
If you want to be bold, reply to their stories and make conversation. Comment on their posts and compliment them. Likes on a story are vague, and they’re more likely to believe you’re a serial story liker than their admirer.
Dating is hard, and dating at the 5Cs is even harder with the very, very limited dating pool. With that said, don’t let that discourage you! Dating is important for growth and figuring out your needs and wants in a relationship, as well as finding the places you should grow. Undergrad is only a short snapshot of your lifetime, and there are plenty of chances to find your true one. Love will find you on a random day, don’t put a timer on it!
On a more serious note, messing around in college can lead to some very tough experiences. If you ever need anyone to talk to, there are people on campus for you! Here’s a short list of resources available to you:
- The EmPower Center: (909) 607-2689, located at 1030 Dartmouth Avenue
- Scripps Advocates: (909) 214-2138 (warmline available 8 p.m. – 8 a.m.)
- Monsour Counseling: (909) 621-8202
- And more at 7csupportandprevention.com
Happy (and safe!) dating, and I hope you all find your seven. And if you’re one of the few that did manage to find your one at the 5Cs, please don’t talk to me, I’m sensitive and I will cry to my Gojo poster at night wondering where everything went wrong and how I fumbled campus crush #1 by not asking for their number last time I ran into them.
