Belén Yudess ’25 and Zoe Tomlin ’27
Copy Editor and Staff Writer
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Knock, knock. Who’s there you may ask; it’s the day we have all been anxiously awaiting since Lindsay Lohan #trademarked it in 2004: October 3rd! But now, it’s gay. Heartstopper season three will be coming out (haha) that morning, and this is your sign sweet Libra to order a hot chococolate from The Motley and watch the entire season in one go!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Dearest Scorpio, the promise of productivity is close at hand! Working on your thesis? Trying to get ahead on that upcoming midterm exam or paper? Well, it’s time to place all that on the back burner and focus on completing the most important task of your college career: creating a documentary detailing the highs and lows of being a CMS intramural water polo player.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Beloved Sagittarius, this is your moment to tackle the greatest mystery of our generation: should more than one moose be referred to as meece or mooseseses? Meece sounds a lot like mice and mooseseses is reminiscent of matchacha which may elicit confusion. That’s why we need your brilliant mind, Sagittarius, to settle this debate once and for all; make it make sense.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorns, have you been feeling overwhelmed by every major or minor decision you’ve had to make in the last few days? If so, here’s an indisputable decision made just for you! From here on out you will now be referred to as Capribaras instead of Capricorns. Unicorns may be magical, but nothing beats the infinite power of the mighty capybara, which will now be bestowed upon you!
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Have you been frequenting La La Land lately, lovely Aquarius? Has the witty romance between Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone caused your expectations of romance to skyrocket? If so, try meeting your special someone by breaking out into an elaborate tap number in the middle of Seal Court! Whoever joins in perfect unison is your match!
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Today, dear Pisces, the moon and stars have a message for you: be kinder to yourself. Life’s hard enough without you being your own worst critic. For someone so mystical, you’ve been way too grounded lately. Don’t worry about being selfish – get your head back in the clouds where it belongs. When you embrace your creative and dreamy side, you fill up your cup. And with a fuller cup, you’ll have plenty to pass around.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Aries, is it possible that you have fallen into a rut without realizing? The long days of class and seemingly endless club meetings can take a toll on the psyche; even the most fiery of signs can find themselves needing a reset. Take a moment to recenter, and then focus your mind’s eye on what you truly want. It doesn’t just have to be an A on your chem test or your roommate to stop waking you up every twenty minutes. Dream big, dear Aries, for the world is your oyster. Find your pearls!
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Right now, the cosmos is sending you a signal: embrace your natural state of vegetation. Stay inside, draw the blinds, and avoid braving Malott lunch line … it is simply not worth the emotional (and physical) toll. Some days, Taurus, it is good to push yourself. Today is not one of those days. After a month of being charred by the California sun like the Oasis vegetables, it’s time to cool off. Let yourself rest and recharge: drink some water, put on your favorite pjs, and curl up in bed.
Gemini (May 21- June 20)
Dearest Gemini, you are blessed with the gift of gab, and we are blessed to be in the presence of your charming conversations. But maybe, just consider that a little quiet can be a blessing, too. When you are studying on the fourth floor of Honnold-Mudd, perhaps lower your voice by a decibel … or five. For, as much as we all love to hear your sweet voice, there is a time and a place for everything. Just as the shower drain is not a receptacle for clumps of hair, silent study spaces are not meant to be filled with endless chatter. So hush, precious Gemini, and allow the calm to carry you to success.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Sweet Cancer, we are coming to you with an intervention … One that will help both you and your wallet. As unfortunate as it may be, your bank account is not a black hole. You might be able to turn a blind eye to an overpriced ube latte with oat milk and two pumps of agave every other day, but that overdraft fee is a clear distress signal. Though the “Add to Cart” button is enticing in the moment, a new fall sweater is not worth the financial crisis that ensues.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
At this moment, Leo, you might be feeling lost. You might be wondering, where do I belong? And we get it, you are used to being sure of yourself, so this is jarring. That being said, now is the time to stand firmly in your footing. Don’t question every detail of your outfit or obsess over who liked your Hinge profile. Instead, allow yourself to exist freely. You don’t need to have all the answers.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, you’ve been on the [Hot to] go all semester long and now it’s time for you to step back from work and spend time with your friends! And there’s only one way to do that: try buying Sabrina Carpenter tickets while your phone is on 3 percent. Nothing will bond you all faster than pleading to the Ticketmaster overlords as you all race to find your one charging cable underneath piles of laundry.
