Clara Ann Bagnoli ’28
Design Editor
March is International Women’s History Month, the time when springtime is on the cusp and cuffing season is in full swing. Us girls deserve to be celebrated! I mean I didn’t choose to go to a historically women’s college for the social scene right? You guys tried to go to the Bachelorette party and walked away too right? Moving on… This year feels different though, March 8, actual International Women’s Day, was surprisingly quiet. Yes, I enjoyed Scripps tea and took a photo with their props but still there was a certain magic in the air missing for some reason.
But then, while I was brushing my teeth listening to Up First with NPR, I was brutally reminded why this year sucks so hard. Elon Musk, who not only is a Nazi but is also the guy who made Grimes not cool anymore, has somehow infiltrated the United States government and is in charge of DOGE — not the cute meme featuring a Shiba Inu — but the Department of Government Efficiency. Gayotic, the MUNA podcast, is ending. And the wildfires are resulting in an atmospheric river which is ruining all my good hair days.
Us wuhluhwuhs can’t have anything nice these days.
So here’s a guide on how to celebrate International Women’s Month even though the Trump administration is actively taking our rights away and Apple and Google decided to not remind us we have a month for ourselves.
Grow out your bush. Not to say that keeping your kitty cat hairless makes you less of a feminist, but the act of letting your drapes stay warm even during spring is less about signaling to your partners and more about taking control of your time and money.
A pack of Venus sensitive women’s disposable razors from Target costs $7.99. But obviously, being the good ally you are, you respect the boycott and know the detrimental effects of plastic pollution so you opt for a much more sustainable aluminum reusable blade, which will drain you 70 bucks not even including the refills. And don’t even get me started on waxing, sugaring, threading (do people get it threaded?).
Then, there is the time commitment. “Everything showers” — while they may be a relaxing and important part of the coveted Sunday reset — are so so long. Here is a list of things I can do during the 75 minutes that I spend doing this weekly grooming ritual: write this article, read poetry, go for a run to clear my head, and watch most of Lego Batman. I want to be clear, I am not suggesting to end this entire regime but removing the act of balding your downstairs will free up some time so you focus on being a girlboss instead.
Dance naked in nature. Thank goodness the government no longer values public servants so we can go out dancing naked in the moonlight like the witchy gals we are without any Park Rangers reporting us for indecent exposure. I recommend somewhere with water so you can get a good reflection of yourself bouncing around. The playlist is up to you but obviously stick to the empowering anthems that International Women’s Month is built on.
Get your tubes tied. Okay sure, you want the experience of motherhood, you think babies are cute, and letting your bloodline die with you would be pathetic. But I raise you, cool aunt / hippy godmother instead. You have so much more disposable income and can still enjoy children in your life without having to reduce your identity to “mommy.”
Maybe I am just reacting harshly to House Bill 1554, an act to create technology to track and report fertility treatments of people with reproductive organs but invasive surgery on one’s internal organs is practically a form of self care! It’s like a girls day out with your emergency contact, you get to wear scrubs and experience crazy “morning skinny” from not being allowed to eat for the anesthesia. Oh, and haven’t you wanted to see what the hype about opioids is all about? It’s not like we can trust people with sperm to practice safe sex — so do the smart thing and have a surgery suite vacay this March.
Microdose mushrooms and watch Disney movies. The Scripps Voice does not endorse hard drug usage but let us be honest and remember that drugs that can kill you are made in a lab are very different from the drugs that are grown in the soil along with the food we put in our body. Studies show that women who microdose have such lowered levels of anxiety that they are comparable to those of men who don’t wear shoes in McConnell.
But to make this relevant I offer the activity of rediscovering the classic Disney Princess movies. But not those classics, sorry Aurora, Belle, Snow White, and Ariel — you guys are a bit of a snooze fest. Here are a few true classics that are even better with an enhanced cognition: Frozen, Lilo & Stitch, Inside Out. These three films have complex female leads with no love interest and plot lines that pass the Bechdel test. Sisterhood is a common theme in these movies and although I do love my two brothers, nothing compares to the kinships I have felt with my sisters here at Scripps.
So, take some time out of your day this month to celebrate being a woman through any of these truly inspiring activities.
Illustration by Clara Ann Bagnoli ’28
