Belén Yudess ’25
Copy Editor
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Fall into fall by listening to “Falling for Ya” from the seminal classic Teen Beach Movie on loop. Instead of kicking off sweater season with The Cranberries or Noah Kahn, it’s time for you to fall-ow your heart, lovely Libra, and fall into the arms of your true artistic love: 2010 Disney hits.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Happy Birthday sweet Scorpio! November is the time for you to observe the most mystic of moments: the witching hour! Witching hour, celebrated from 2 a.m. to 2:59 a.m., is your opportunity to pay tribute to the ghost that haunts the Froutt fire alarm in the hopes of sleeping through the night before the three midterms and five essays you have to finish the next day!
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius, have you been experiencing a touch of writer’s block lately? Do you find yourself staring blankly at your screen overtaken by your most recent delusions? Well, fret not, for the solution is in the problem. Give into your delusions and turn that unrequited crush into your Intro to Fiction Writing short story! And while you’re at it, maybe ask a special someone for feedback on the plot; it’s all for the plot anyway!
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn, it’s time for you to pursue your long-awaited dream of collecting the weighted plushies from Target! That blush axolotl-looking creature and the blue dragon lizard thingamabob are calling your name. Next time you’re feeling stressed, let your weighted dino sit on your test (you can’t take your exam if it’s being sat on)!
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Feel like there are no good movies out there Aquarius? Have you been sitting alone in the dark, tumbling down the abyss that is Netflix’s “Recommended for You” list? There is only one solution to your dilemma: Glee: The 3D Concert Movie! Imagine how much happier you’ll be after watching the greatest pop group of our generation! Glee is the literal and figurative definition of pure joy.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Do you ever find yourself wondering what’s the best cracker to enjoy with hummus? If not, then it’s time to start. Although Triscuits, Ritz, and Trader Joe’s Garlic Naan crackers are strong contenders, there is an obvious winner, Pisces, and it’s time for you to stock up before the rest of the world catches on! That winner is Wheat Thins, with an extra serving of salt.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Thinking about Thanksgiving break plans? Trying to find that balance between adventure and relaxation? A mental break and getting ahead on work? Well, dear Aries, the answer is clear: spend your entire break watching every Timothee Chalamet production. There is nothing more exhilarating, mind-numbing, and thought provoking than Timmy-T pining over Saoirse Ronan (like fair enough).
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Are you on a path of self-discovery, darling Taurus? Deciding what person you want to be? Try embodying the 5C personality you would inhabit in another multiverse! Whether that’s a sleep-deprived Mudder running on three cans of Celsius or a super cool Pitzer bisexual who (surprisingly) loves the outdoors, let your multi-faceted 5C self shine!
Gemini (May 21- June 20)
Unsure of what your favorite marsupial might be sweet Gemini? Unable to decide between a kangaroo or a koala? The mighty wombat has come to your aid! These furry little rascals make excellent cuddle buddies and will defend you as you brave the Malott afternoon rush; they can chomp into human flesh you know…
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Feel as though you’re constantly racing against the clock, Cancer? Instead of wasting time trying to establish a healthy work-life balance, just break the clock. It can’t tick-tock in your direction if the hands are nonexistent. Remember, your time is timeless and this race is yours to win.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
People may advise you to “slay the day away” but now it’s time for you, Leo, to “cliche away all day.” Think outside of the box and respond to every statement in a good old-fashioned cliche! Good things come to all who wait and there is nothing better than sneaking a cliche into the conversation. It’s the perfect storm of wit and thoughtfulness!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
There is nothing more fulfilling, vibrant Virgo, than snuggling up in a cozy lounge chair with a nice book. But, it’s time for you to change it up and make your reading experience more dynamic! Next time you are looking to settle in for some reading, find a trampoline and bounce to the beat of “We’re All in This Together,” while annotating in at least three different colors! Even if you don’t remember the storyline too well, it will be an unforgettable experience!
