Clara Ann Bagnoli ‘28
Design Editor
Goodbye and farewell, spooky season, you’ve been kind to us, but now the scariest thing I’ve got going on is the creeping final project deadlines. After a wonderful Halloweekend, which included seeing my peers in costume in class, the dining hall, practice, and at parties, I’ve noticed a few common archetypes. Please humor me in categorizing different people we all know and their Halloween character counterparts.
That one guy at Green Beach: Dracula
During the spooky season, I like to keep my film viewings on theme, so this past Friday, I turned on the sometimes scary and always entertaining “Nosferatu” 2024 remake. About halfway through, I realized that the down-and-out, controlling behavior of this ancient vampire reminded me of someone: straight men who use Green Beach as a hunting ground, usually dressed in some sort of preppy get-up with pomade slicked-back hair, or just dried sweat from their recent intramural kickball game. You know this guy, I’m sure. Since Green hosted all three nights this weekend, you must have run into him using a slightly politically incorrect accent, asking, “Where my blood at?” as the worst attempt at a pun pick-up line ever. Unlike poor Ellen in Nosferatu, these hauntings can be easily remedied with a bit of RBF and garlic breath.
Mudd chem baddies: witches
As a humanities major who fears the Hoch’s vibes, I don’t interact with many Harvey Mudd girls. But in my late nights at the Makerspace, I can hear their chanting of chem equations and can’t help but wonder, are you guys casting a spell? Girls dressed in all black, with heavy eyeliner, scribbling variables I can’t understand, beg for speculation. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them have magic powers. I mean, how can one drink so much at a West dorm party and still set the curve the next day? If my theory is correct, could you help a girl out and hex someone for me, please?!
The benched players at a football game: mummies
One of my dearest friends dances for the 5C Dance Company, so of course I had to show up for the rivalry game. Before and after her performance, I noticed the sheer size of these two teams. After conducting some journalistic investigation, I discovered that Division III teams can range from 80 to 100 players. Wow! Why? Because half of their teams are basically mummified in casts and braces. These mummies are a lot less fun because instead of being bedazzled or wrapped up in white, they’re usually grey and using some sort of motorized scooter. Get well soon, football mummies!
Juniors on study abroad: ghosts
Fall semester has been quiet. Too quiet. Oh, right, the Class of 2027 is far, far away. But like any passed-on spirit, their ghostly memory is still ever present on campus. That chill in the air is actually the presence of all the remaining drama and lore they created last year that continues to stir while they are oceans away.
Me: a clown
Author reveal! If you’ve ever been in the humanities building and heard a squeaking from my large red shoes or seen a smudge of my white face makeup, then you probably know who I am. Yep, a clown. The life decisions I’ve been making recently are comical, but as TSV’s resident satire writer, it is my vocation to make you laugh. While I’m not particularly good with balloon animals, I can use an Advocates provided condom to make a snake. Thankfully, juggling is a transferable skill from rugby; as my ball handling improves, my antics get more and more ridiculous. And while I may not have reached traveling circus ability just yet, I’ve been doing a great job bending over backwards to finish writing this article in time for the printing deadline.
