The Last Scrippsture

May 2, 2024
2 mins read

Belén Yudess ’25 and Aviva Vic Maxon ’24
Copy Editor Intern and Staff Writer 

Dearest readers,

We have received your notes, pleas, and tears (delivered fresh in Malott cups) asking for us to grace your feeds once more with our delightful commentary and witty insights. After careful deliberation and a desire to evade being held responsible for Malott’s dish deficit, we have decided to return for one final hurrah. [Don’t hold your applause, #yourbodyyourchoice] 

As we look back on this year, we are so grateful for readers like you who empowered our delusions and reaffirmed our belief that we are undeniably hilarious. We can’t imagine how lost you might have been this semester without our take on The Motley’s newly acquired horcha-cha-cha ta-ta or advice on how to convince admitted students that you, too, are an incoming first-year that can’t wait to take Core 1: Crossroads. We applaud you for facing the semester without our sage wisdom, and recognize your courage, confidence, and whatever the third thing is on those Scripps stickers.

For our last Scrippsture of the semester, we want to leave you all with parting statements from a few of our beloved friends and graduating seniors at The Scripps Voice. Like the song they have us sing on move-in day that no one can remember, these pearls of wisdom are meant to remain with you for some unforetold amount of time. Here are the responses the seniors gave when asked, “What are your last words to The Scripps Voice?” 

Ellen Hu- “Hu is kidding, I’m not going anywhere! Hu could replace me? Absolutely no one.” 

Alyssa Wend- “The last issue came out 5 months ago.” 

Aanji Sin- “TSV? More like TTYN (talk to you never)”

Ella Lehahavi- “What do you mean I’m not getting free little drinks anymore?” 

Ella Young- “Roxie on” 

Isabel Suh- “It’s time to de-sign off for the year”

Aviva “Miller”- “All humor will be extinct upon my departure, and I stand by that.”

As we bid adieu (to you and you and you), we have one final announcement to make. The time has come for Aviva (spelled backwards) to return to the magical forests from which she came, otherwise known as New Mexico. Thus, we are seeking self-identifying comedy queens (gender inclusive) interested in answering questions that someone probably asked at some point but didn’t need answered, to come forward and join our worthy cause. The new Aviva (spelled forward) should meet the following requirements:

  1. Has read all of our previous columns at least seven times both forwards and backwards; we want someone who isn’t afraid to see things from multiple perspectives
  2. Believed that The Motley was in fact out of Matcha Cha Cha for the remainder of the semester following their April Fools Day post; we are looking for someone who believes everything they hear, it’s the crux of honest journalism
  3. Lives by the motto: “Be gay, do crime”: We do not condone criminal activity in this paper, unless you are committed to stealing the hearts of potential audiences the same way a seagull swooped down and stole a friend’s ice cream during the senior trip
  4. Is willing to survey audiences in the middle of Seal Court. If you aren’t prepared to make grand announcements from the top of those trees near the fountain, then maybe it’s time to reconsider
  5. Most importantly, embody the vibrancy and sincerity that Aviva (spelled backwards) does in every space (and there are so so many) that they lead or occupy 

If these descriptors speak to your soul, we encourage you to submit your application to Froutt 507. It is only accessible through an elevator.

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